Today I awoke rather emotional the reason unknown, being it Sunday I was already struggling with trying to get out of bed early to make it to church let alone on time. It’s amazing even when you want to go how every excuse will arise to spoil your day, keep you home, and or make you late. Getting things together I glanced at my family to ensure they were “put together” (smile), I realized how I rushed in efforts not to be late. Suddenly a thought came, “Man it seems lately I am always last, the last to do, the last to know, the last to…and now the last to even get dressed and I have to rush?”
As we rode lyrics to a song playing caught my attention “It will all be worth it, For those who do believe that one day, He will crack the sky but though you can’t see it now but one day I know He will.” I have heard this lyric many a time however for some reason today it stuck with me so I thought perhaps it was because of me feeling quite emotional, even though personally I am experiencing a few “challenges” the politically correct term in a lot of Black Christian churches (so I’ve witnessed) for things not going as well as you would like, I thought, “I’ve endured harder so surely that not be the reason why.”
Then two tears (literally) came from no where and as I turn to wipe my face and my husband asked, “Why are you crying?” I then said, “oh I guess I’m just emotional today.” He then asked quite insensitively (I felt), “Why are you emotional?” Before I could grasp my thought it escaped me aloud, “Uh, I don’t know to me that’s like asking why are you Black, sometimes women are just emotional.” (Ooops lol did I say that, guess I could have said it better but I digress)
Continuing to wipe my face I turned and the passenger side mirror caught my attention with the same phrase painted on everyone’s mirror “Objects, may appear closer than they seem.” Smiling at the fact that it mirrored what I wanted for myself that morning, I realized how that simplistic phrase held such meaning and as I close my eyes to ponder on why I would recognize it on all days today and how it mattered I also thought on those first lyrics I heard.
These thoughts suddenly came to my mind…
It will all be worth it, “feeling last, and the last shall be first” it will all be worth it, “taking the back seat to ensure your family is taken care of, showing love to receive more love later” it will all be worth it “pushing your way to church when you feel like staying home, opportunity to hear something inspiring and be charged to encourage or create” it will all be worth it, “taking the good with the bad all the while growing, laughing, and loving.” “For those who do believe that one day, He will crack the sky I know you can’t see it now, but one day I know He will… On one of the cloudiest days I felt a warmth on my face and what seemed like the sun peering through the clouds where it became so bright I could almost see the sunlight with my eyes still closed. Opening my eyes surely to witness the clouds no more, it was still a cloudy day and all I could say was wow.