Didn’t Mean To Start A War

Ahhh marriage… while most days are beautiful some days are just…well, yeah that. Isn’t it a wonder how one moment of the day you and your spouse could be in marital bliss and then the next someone can say something to just change the entire trajectory of your day? I freakin hate that but, more than that I HATE being misunderstood it seems to create such blunders. As we all have a perspective even on defined words, terms, and expressions etc.

There is something about most women we have the uncanny ability to verbally annihilate you and cook you a meal all in the same time and if we desired to keep the fact we were doing secret you’d never know. Don’t be an educated woman it’s even worse! Early in my own marriage the same intelligence and educated articulate demeanor my husband appreciated and seemingly was drawn in with is yet what frustrates him most times. The crazier thing is because I know this, in the past I tried dimming that and after that didn’t work I made conscious efforts to be considerate when speaking and use words less cleverly only for what they actually meant. I still often get accused of word play and trickery.

Last night, we were laughing and decorating as our cottage (see page on where I work) just went and is still under a major reconstruction job. One hour later preparing to venture to city after a day at IKEA, cleaning etc I knew hubby wouldn’t be happy when I needed him to drive to the city with me but my back hurt so badly I couldn’t imagine where I’d muster the strength to complete my last task list of errands for the day. Upon asking him to go even though I dreaded it, he gave me this sigh of expression that I knew meant he really loathed having to go. That ignited a fire within me but more than anything I was hurt. One hour later we are in full debate mode slowly arriving at argument status and later war mode wear gloves began coming off. Not only at this point do other subjects creep in, but the whole fun day we had prior seemed like a fairy tale and it felt as if the devil was literally tap dancing on my tongue like “say this and that and use the D-bomb to just shut him down quick!”

What’s the D-bomb you ask? Well if you are married I’m sure you know what it refers to. No one ever wants to hear that term or be the first one to use it or be accused of doing so and it denotes more than just being tired of whatever situation. In a Christian marriage it denotes unforgiveness, failure, and not taking your vowels seriously just to list a few. However sometimes and ladies if we are honest we know if use that most times our guys seem to get that quick “act right” however we are to be improving over time not digressing right? Also the ugly side of the the D-bomb (DIVORCE) is having to come back after it. Your spouse usually looses a bit of trust once you use the term because they are uncertain if every time you have an argument if you’ll resort to that method of resolve.

I’m glad to say I have some awesome Christian women in my life and when I feel like being honest and more importantly hearing truth in love I can call them for understanding and clarity through a Christian lens. Later that evening I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to make things right (of course at the time I was still fuming and wondering why me Lord) but, by morning we had things worked out. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees last night but today after a good night’s rest, some prayer and reading time we have got it together again and though I was hurt first and that wasn’t acknowledged, right now the only thing that really matters is that we come back together and give no place to the enemy to destroy our peace and joy. The mere fact that we are talking and can agree we need to work on effective communication is evidence that we’ve grown, it’s never easy “snapping back” into place where you like one another again.

Hey now there’s another post in itself right? “Snapping Back” maybe next time…


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